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All the Updates

October 9, 2012

So, things I haven’t really talked about here – pretty much everything.  Like most things in my life, I have big hopes of doing great things, but I often fall short.

In February, I changed jobs.  It’s almost very nearly completely different for all that I have the same title.

In July, we bought a house – you can see some posts on that. I was definitely intending on posting more about that.  I have some photos.  But that sort of got trumped by other things, specifically…

…that I found out I was pregnant in the middle of painting all the rooms.

All of these things are kind of a big impact on our mental view of ourselves. Owning a home was a big change – can we really be the same people if we own a home?  The answer is yes, but in spite of that, it feels all rather adultish in a way that was never how I viewed my life.

Having a kid is a whole other mountain that doesn’t really feel REAL yet.

Both of these things seem like strangers in our lives–all the crazy projects and pastimes can’t possibly survive, right? I was going to get back into dancing. Jason was going to do…whatever he has in mind to do whenever. But with a house and a kid, are these things even possible?

I mentally know the answer is Yes. But I’m not feeling it yet.

I went to TribOriginal this year again. It’s always a transformative time.  Or rather, it sparks transformation from what is revealed there.  I know I’m not the only one who wonders what it is all about.

I was told so many times to trust myself that weekend.  SO.  MANY.  TIMES.  Why is that the hardest thing to do? Why can I be strong and wise for others, but inherently mistrust my own intuition?  Why can I dance with a group, but not with myself?  Why can I sing and write for a band, but I can’t sing and write for myself?  Why can I manage and inspire a role-playing group for two years, but not write my own novel that’s lived inside me for 10 years? Why can I spur others on to healthy lifestyles, but cannot do it for myself.

I have the tools and the knowledge. I don’t have the faith.

It’s time for some Faith.

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One Comment leave one →
  1. October 15, 2012 8:57 pm

    ❤ I would like to hear more about these things that you create for yourself.

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